Scoop — Axios House Brewpub Menu for the Republican National Convention
Leaked menu shows what bites and brews await VIPs in Milwaukee.
Axios, the digital newsroom famous for its bullet point emails and insider scoops, will have an event space at the Republican National Convention next week. Dubbed Axios House, the space is at a Milwaukee brew pub and will host interviews with VIPs like Donald Trump, Jr.
This blog managed to obtain a leaked copy of the menu.
Axios House Brewpub at the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee
Presented by Lockheed Martin
This menu is 389 words … a 2 minute read when sober.
Headlines on Tap:
- Access IPA (5.2% ABV): A Behind-the-Curtain mainstay, this IPA for the insider features notes of sweetened beats.
- The MAGA Pale Male (5.4% ABV): Defiantly anti-DEI, this stolid pale ale features American Warrior hops for extra bitterness.
- Fake Booze (NA): With no alcohol (or is there?) this beer is as fake as Russia, Russia, Russia.
- Project 2.5 (2.5% ABV): The low alcohol basis for a bloodless revolution.
- Psst Blue Ribbon (4.7% ABV): Anonymously sourced barley, yeast, and hops.
- Psst Blue Ribbon Pro (7.4%): Even more secretive and exclusive, our premium option lets you experience the collapse of Democracy that much faster.
- RQ-170 Sentinel (6.0% ABV): A stealth dark lager.
- Stephen Miller Lite (4.8% ABV): Tastes great, less fascist.
Locals:
- The Dahmer (20% ABV): A Milwaukee original, the higher alcohol content means no head.
Cans:
- Schlitz
- ̶B̶u̶d̶ ̶L̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ GOP Light
- Coors
Flights & Samplers:
- Sources Familiar (2 tasters): What’s better than one unnamed beer? Two!
- Sources Close To (4 tasters): What’s better than two unnamed beers? Four!
- Sources With Knowledge Of (6 tasters): Sample just how deep Axios’ well of unnamed beers goes.
Cocktails:
- Moscow Mule: Yeah, we know.
- El Presidente: Rum, vermouth, granadine, and orange (very) curaçao.
- Smart Bev: A Cosmopolitan mixed with the new Alzheimer’s drug obtained exclusively.
- Grand Old Fashioned: Muddled sugar with bitters, garnished with orange (very) and a cocktail cherry. In Wisconsin, brandy is substituted for bourbon by law.
- Liberal Tears: A Long Island Iced Tea renamed for the convention.
- Trial Balloon: Whatever our supplier wants to test reaction to.
- F-35 Lightning: All-American grain alcohol, sugar, and lemon.
Mocktails:
- The AA: Axios Anonymous.
Sponsor Message: At Lockheed Martin, we depend on access to power. That’s why we’re an Axios sponsor. Here’s to you and all the VIP’s that got the invite. Cheers.
Food:
- Bullet Point Sliders: 3 sliders for easy download.
- “Horrible City” Special: An old Milwaukee Bratwurst with sauerkraut.
- MAGA Nachos: Nachos renamed for the convention.
- C130 Hercules Burger: A full cargo burger topped with bacon, mushrooms, cheddar, and secret sauce. (Secret sauce also available for sponsorship.)
Desserts:
- Scoop!: Ice cream.
- Trident II: Apple pie renamed for the convention.
Music by On Background. Late night parties with DJ Off the Record.
Presented by Lockheed Martin
Sponsorship has no influence over menu items.
