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Grey Apron:

Each month all the ingredients for a delicious gourmet meal are included in a distinctive box shipped straight to your door. Already measured and with recipe instructions in large print, experience the joy of cooking without the cognitive effort.

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Slice Me an Apple:

From red delicious to Jonagold, the forbidden fruit of knowledge comes in many tempting varieties. Move from ignorance to original sin without being cast out of, or voluntarily leaving, your own home. Each fortnight, a new apple is boxed and shipped straight to your door. The included corer is already started. Just press down and enjoy.

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Paper Plated:

Once a week all the ingredients for a prosaic meal are included in a plain, brown box shipped straight to your door. Already measured and ready to mix, the wordless instructions use universally-accepted images for “pour,” “stir” and “put in oven.” 24-hour help support is available.

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I Can’t F’in Cook:

Once or twice daily as needed the ingredients for a passable meal are carefully measured by our chefs. Then combined in our kitchen, cooked to finish, and shipped straight to your door. Napkins, bibs and wet wipes are all included.

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The Wonders of Toast:

What could be greater than sliced bread? Sliced bread shipped straight to your door. Each week a trademarked bag of bread is sent in a nondescript container no bigger than a bread box. Vitamin-enriched and perfect for home toasting, these well-preserved slices come from one of America’s oldest large-scale bakeries. Blow into the bag, twist the end, and pop it for added excitement.

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Panda UPS Ground:

Readily available Chinese take out is ordered for you, placed in a box, and shipped straight to your door. Packed in soy sauce packets, look for the distinctive inky stains pooling on your welcome mat.

Atlanta writer and comedian. Occasional citizen journalist. Diagnosed with Asperger’s at age 40. No relation to Steve.

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